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The Lyrics

Though already located on most of the actual episode capsules, sometimes the lyrics on a song changed on the actual soundtrack. Hence this section.

Click on a song the lyrics will appear via magic HTML:

He is Franz Kafka!
Franz Kafka!
Be careful if you get him pissedÖ
Franz! Franz Kafka!
Heíll smite you with metaphor fists!
Writing all he can, heís just a man
A warrior of words taking a stand
He grew up very poor
He's steel, it's to the core
Born in 1883
Died in 1924
He is Franz Kafka!

Iím a lonely German
A lonely German from Prague!
I wonder what I'll write about
I think I'll write about bugs

Kafka! Kafka! Kafka!

I donít know whatís wrong with me
I think Iím turning into a bug
I see double what I see
I think Iím turning into a bug
I ainít got no self-esteem
I think Iím turning into a bug
Bet you fifty dollars
Iím a man, Iím a scholar and Iím turning into a bug
Momma like a daddy like a baby like a baby like Iíll turn into a bug
Yeah! Yeah!
He is Franz Kafka!.

Living like a bug ainít easy
My old clothes donít seem to fit me

I got little tiny bug feet
I donít really know what bugs eat
Donít want no one stepping on me
Now Iím sympathizing with fleas

Living like a bug ainít easy
Living like a bug ainít easy

Oooooooooooooooh
Oooooooooooooooh
Oooh
He is Franz Kafka!

Well, Iím, curing disease
Helping blind people read
Donít drink that milk without talking to me (Oh yeah!)
I a savior to those who canít see with their eyes
Donít mess with me youíll get pasteurized!

I'm a wax motherfucker
Reading from my fingertips
Doing drive-bys on the by-ways
Keepin' sixes(?) and slips(?)

Yeah! Come on! Come on!
Louis Louis in the house!
Uh huh uh huh Oh yeah
Arc de Triomphe in the House!

Donít put marbles in your nose
Put them in there do not put them in there
Donít put marbles in your nose
Put them in there do not put them in there
Donít put marbles in your nose
Put them in there do not put them in there
Marbles in your noooooooose
Come on!!!!!!!!!!!!
Donít!!!
(Guitar solo)

Donít put marbles in your nose
Put them in there do not put them in there
Donít put marbles in your nose
Put them in there do not put them in there
Donít put marbles in your nose
Put them in there do not put them in there
Donít put marbles in your nose
Put them in there do not put them in there
Donít put marbles in your nose
Put them in there do not put them in there
Donít put marbles in your nose
Put them in there do not put them in there
Donít put marbles in your nose
Put them in there do not put them in there
Don't put marbles in your nose!

Donít kill children
Donít run them over
Let them live their life
Let them get older

Donít kill children
Donít run them over
Let them live their life
Let them get older

Brendon Small!
He didnít do anything wrong!
He was riding his bike!
They tried to take his life!

Donít kill children
Donít run them over
Let them live their life
And let them get older Donít kill children Donít run them over
Let them live their life And let them get older Brendon Small!
He didnít do anything wrong! He was riding his bike! They tried
to take his life! Oh!

Well I found five bucks so I bought some fancy shoes
Gonna put on my feet
Put them to some good use
Well Iím 15 years old and I donít like being told what to do
I got, two legs theyíre crazy legs
Theyíre very very leggy and theyíre crazy legs I said..

Ooh! I got those crazy legs!
Woo-oo-oo-oo, I got those crazy legs!
Oh! I found five bucks so I bought some fancy shoes
Gonna put on my feet
Put them to some good use
I said yeah
Uh huh

Ooh!
Youíre such a pretty girl (yeah you are)
And you like to spin and a twirl
I said ooh; youíve got those crazy legs
I said ooh; youíve got those crazy legsÖ
Guitar!

Oh
Birthday is a dodelitty doo
A ding dong dodelitty dodelitty ding dong do
A birthday birthday
How do you do? Open presents, cake is too

A good thing to have on a birthday day
Is ice cream and presents coming your way
Cause presents are good to open up
Hope there's something good inside for me!
It's a birthday time of year for you
Happy birthday dodelitty doo
Birthday is a good good time
Eat up the chocolate cake all night

Lollipops sweettooth got it on your face
Put on the birthday time of year!
Ice cream's cold if you eat it fast
A birthday dodlittly birthday doo
Birthday!
Birthday!
Birthday!
Woo!
Woo!
Birthday!
Doodlittly ding
A doodlittly doo birthday
It's a birthday!
Woo!
Birthday birthday birthday birthday birthdaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

Alone...
He wants to be alone so he can process this
To a point of understandingness

Starboy!
Thatís who he is thatís not who he ainít
Starboy! He knows it now and now is the truthÖ
The Captain of Outer Space that is his brother, Uh-huh!
The Captain of Outer Space he knows itís true, Uh-huh!
AloneÖ

StarboyÖand the Captain of Outer Space!
They fight the mighty fight in the night
Downing any evil thatís in sight
They're rascally badgers of medium girth.
They're saving the planet and also the Earth

But beware my heroes of the evil down thereÖ
Of Washington, Picasso and Annie Oakley over there
The three of them are evil and evil are all three, but theyÖ
Want To Destroy It! (But they should not be let)
They want to destroy it! (But not allowing themÖ)

StarboyÖand the Captain of Outer Space! (Starboy!)

Captain: Your lemonade, sir.
Starboy: Hey, thanks a hundred, Cap'm. Mmm, yes, good stuff there.
Captain: Hey, wait a minute, how'd you get me to get you lemonade?
Starboy: Ha, well... Iím glad you asked about that thing
Cause what Iíd like to do is sing
A song about getting people to do stuff for you
By using Compliments, even if they ainít true, causeÖ
You look like youíve lost some weight, now lick my hands and paint that crate!
Captain: Ok!
Starboy: I got you!
Captain: OhÖ
Starboy: See, now you try!

Captain: Alright!
You look great, in that shirt,
Now help me hem my brand new skirt (Starboy: Okay!)
You have very nice, cheek bones
Now help me cosign this bank loan

Starboy: Cause a compliment will get you far even if itís just a lie!
Captain: Cause your skinís as soft as buttermilk now help me paint my thigh
Both: Cause you gotta compliment, because itís not complicated
If you want some lemonade you gotta start manipulating
We wish it was different but thatís the way it seems to be
Cause you need to compliment because thatís what people need!

Iím Mr. Pants and Iím coming to get yaí
Better run for your life, you better run or Iíll get yaí
I got paws like a cat cause thatís what I am
Iíll throw up on your carpet and scratch up your hands
I'm the roughest toughest kitty in the land
My name is Mr. Pants
Iím the kitty cat man
Nobodyís gonna stop me from having my way
My name is Mr. Pants and have a nice day

Youíll scream for your life cause you wonít be happy
My name is Mr. Pants and Iím actually kind of crafty
Mr. Pants is my name and Iíd like to say hi
Give me a call weíll hang out some time
Iím Mr. Pants!
Iím the roughtest toughest kitty n the land
My name is Mr. Pants
Iím the kitty cat man
Nobodyís gonna stop me from having my way
My name is Mr. Pants and have a nice dayÖ
Mr. Pants!

Wake up in the morning
And I have some coffee
Put in the sugar, and the cream
And it tastes nice I hope

Bring the coffee to my lips
And take a drink
Hopefully it will taste as good as I think it might
And I'm right

Cause that's the way it's supposed to taste
In my tongue, on my throat
In my insides
And it should taste real good

Cause it's a morning time, coffee time
Time for coffee
Time for fun and games
And sugar and cream

It's time for coffee (Ohhhhh)

Ooooh, bu dum be dum ba bahh
This is a song I wrote, about tolerance, and understanding:

I watched a caterpillar change into a butterfly today (She watched a caterpillar, change into a butterfly and...)
You can't throw rocks from your house of glass
There ainít no skin off of my ass, ainít no skin off of my ass (Ain't no skin off of my ass, ain't no skin off of my ass)

People, donít look at each other as black and white, look at each other as light and dark! Be sensitive, today

And you can't throw rocks from your house of glass,
A inít no skin off of my ass, my sweet ass, my sweet ass, my sweet ass, I love my ass
My sweet sweet sweet sweet ass
My sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet ass

Many Years Ago
In the ancient times of England
On a fateful day
Where the fairies played
And the devil crept in the shadows
Two men did meet
In a forest by the brook
And that day would change the fate
Of these two very famous men

King-Arthur-And-Robin-Hood
They met and stared in silence into each other's souls
Two-Legends-And-Yet-They-Stood
Their egos couldn't gage if they were friends or they were foes
They could have killed each other
Ah-ah-ah-ah

But what's this?
The king speaks:
I decree before all of England that I, King Arthur, and Robin Hood, from this point on shall be best friends forever!

Robin Hood crossed the line
Stole Arthur's concubine from him
The friendship is finished
And it has diminished
Into deception
And so they must fight the fight
Until the death to prove who's right
And they will battle through the night

But stop, and wait, and look to the skies
A dragon, approaches and there's death in his eyes
Best to join forces, and fight the best
You better join forces or you'll both be deceased

And, so, the dragon has been slain
And now King Arthur and Robin Hood must decide
If they still want to do what they were going to do
And fight to the death! Well what's it gonna be...WOO

The world's got you down, boy
That's ok
You feel like you just wanna run away
Well put on your pants, boy
Show em' your strong, boy
One leg at a time

TRUST YOURSELF
You've got nothing else to lose
TRUST YOURSELF
What else you gonna do?
TRUST YOURSELF
You gotta fly so high
Like a rocket in the sky
TRUST YOURSELF
Where's that attitude
TRUST YOURSELF
You know what gotta do
TRUST YOURSELF
You're an astronaut and you're blowing up the moon

Nobody likes you, that's okay
Everyone think that you might be gay
Run to the hills
Cover your face
You could just kill yourself

TRUST YOURSELF
What else you gonna do?
TRUST YOURSELF
You gotta fly to the moon
TRUST YOURSELF
You can do it, boy!
Listen to me dammit
You can do it!
TRUST YOURSELF
I'm gonna come there myself…
TRUST YOURSELF
…and I'll kick you in the ass if I have to!
TRUST YOURSELF
You can do it.
Trust your fucking Self
You little bitch
TRUST YOURSELF
You're a little dirty son of a gun!!!
TRUST YOURSELF
I'm gonna get you!
TRUST YOURSELF
You're an astroanut and you're blowing up the moon
Blowing up, boy, you can do it!
Blow up the fucking moon!

(****, that's ****ing phat something or other I dunno)

Ohhhhh
Brendon: We Are Artists!
Jason & Melissa: Yes We Are!
Brendon: Doodley-Do!
Jason & Melissa: Yes We Are!
All: Watch us paint and sculpt and write
Brendon: We're so creative we just might
Sit in cafes and drink cappuccinos
Melissa: Philosophize and swat mosquitoes
Jason: Wait around and eat burritos
Brendon: To be an artist sure is neat-o

All: We are artists and we're blessed, by, Zeus!
Brendon: Cut! Print!
Jason: Uh, Brendon, for the millionth time, you can't print video.

Welcome to hell
You're gonna burn in there
You're gonna get it good
Because we don't care

Welcome to hell
You know you're gonna die
You're gonna, get it good, right between the eyes
I said: Welcome to helllllll
Welcome to helllllll

Welcome to Hell
We're gonna give it to you good
I hope you prepared and brought along some food
Welcome to Hell
I know I said it again
Because I didn't feel like I got my point across the first time

Welcome to helllllll
Welcome to helllllll
Yeah! Uh huh! I'm glad! Cause

Welcome to helllllll (Welcome to Hell)
Welcome to helllllll

I'm not the girl you thought I was - no.
I'm just the girl you want me - wish - was - not - was - were.
'Cause I must think'th I'm - was not - once was - was not - but a girl.

If you were a car instead of a boy
Youíd have headlights instead of eyes
And tires instead of feet
If you were a car instead of a boy
Youíd have-

No-I-donít-have-a-date-to-night-but-thanks-for-asking-Leena
Iíve-been-working-out-to-try-to-trim-these-bulg-ing-thighs
But-the-results-donít-seem-to-be
Lasting
Leena
I-might-as-well-stay-home-tonight, and eat myself some pies
Eat-myself-some-pies

Iíll race!
To feel the wind in my face
And Iíll race!
To feel alive
And Iíll race!
To feel like I own this place!
And Iíll race until I die
And Iíll race against the other racers!
And Iíll race with one big shout!
And Iíll race against the clock!
And Iíll race against myself!
And Iíll raceÖ
And Iíll raceÖ
*piano*
*howling* RACE!

Iíd be the big shot there on the cell block but Iím too cool to get caught
Iíd be the genius there on the campus but Iím too smart to be taught
Iíll be the tough guy, handing out black eyes, using my fists forever
Iíll be the cool cat, leading the rat pack, living alone in a leather
Me, alone, in a leather
Me, alone, in a leather (Me, alone, in a leather)
Me, alone, in a leather (Me, alone, in a leather)

Iíll race!
To feel the wind in my face
And Iíll race!
To feel alive
And Iíll race!
To feel like I own this place!
And Iíll race until I die
And Iíll race against the other racers!
And Iíll race with one big shout!
And Iíll race against the clock!
And Iíll race against myself!
And Iíll race And Iíll race

Beware the mighty Septopus
He's a crazy guy
He lives on top of the submarine
And he's always eating pies
Ahh

Septopus, ahh
Septopus, ahh
Septopus, ahh
Septopus, ahh

Septopus, ahh (Septopus)
Septopus, ahh (Septopus)
Septopus, ahh (Septopus)
Septopus, ahh (Septopus)
Septopus, ahh (Septopus)
Septopus, ahh (Septopus)
Septopus, ahh (Septopus)
Septopus, ahh (Septopus)

Dwayne: Iím a wizard wizard a wizard wizard a wizard man!
Iím a wizard wizard a wizard wizard a wizard man!
Electricity shoots from my finger-nails!
Electricity shoots from my finger-nails!
Iím a wizard wizard a wizard wizard a wizard man!
Iíll melt your brains!
A wizard wizard wizard man am I!

Melissa: Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo
Moo Moo Moo!
Moo Moo Moo!
I am a cow!
Moo Moo Moo!
I have bells!
Moo Moo Moo!
I am a cow!
Jason: I milk the cows
Thatís my only job
And I fear the wizard
He should be impeached
I hate my job but
Thatís a different story
I have a weird relationship with a cow

Brendon: I am a baker
And today is my birthday
And I just turned one years old
And Iím very cold
Cause I just found out
Iím a baker man
And I live inside a baking can
With soft and pretty Bakerís hands
And Iím also lonelyyyy-yyyy...yyy

Dwayne: Now the wizard is hungry
Make some pies, make them for me
Brendon: Yes my master that sounds good please donít kill me
Melissa: I will give you milk!
Brendon: Thank...you!
Jason: Iíll do the milking!
Brendon: A-thank you!
Jason: Youíre...welcome!
Brendon: Hey hereís some pies lets have a-
All: Pie fight! Pie fight! Pie fight!

Guy: Hmm-mmm-mmm
Bi-dong, di-doodley dong
Melissa: Wow, he kinda sucks.
Jason: I don't know, he's kinda got an earthing quality.
Guy: And I said yeeeeeeeeeeah-
Jason: He sucks.
Brendon: Hey mom, can we tip him?
Paula: Sure, I guess.
Melissa: Brendon, why do you want to tip him?
Brendon: I don't know, it's kind of fun to just throw money away.
Jason: That's true.

Man: Thanks little skinny dude
With orange hair and all blue
Thanks for the tip man
For giving it to me

Jason: Brendon, he's singing about you.
Melissa: Why is he doing that?
Jason: Maybe he's high.
Brendon: I think he's happy I just tipped him.
Jason: Can I borrow some change Mrs. Small to throw at him?
Paula: Okay, uh...
Man: What's your name little buddy?
Jason: Jason!

Man: Jason's song, I said how's it going?
How's it going little Jason?

Melissa: Hi my name is Melissa, here's a dollar.
Jason: Do, do Jason again!
Man: Jason and Melissa-
Jason: No Melissa!
Man: Just one Jason
Only song for Jason
Thank you.

Man: What's your name?
Jason: Jason.
Man: No, no, you over there.
Melissa: That's Mrs. Small!

Man: Oh, Mrs. Small,
said Mrs. Small,
I said Mrs. Small,
I said Mrs. Small
Paula: It's Paula actually.
Man: Paula, Paula, got a haircut.
Paula: Yeah, okay kids, it's
Man: She's a little uptight, she's a little uptight
Paula: Thanks, come on Jason, Brendon, Melissa, let's go.
Jason: I'm staying!

McGuirk: Good stuff buddy, here you go. Go get some lessons. Oh man, what a day.
Man: Thanks a lot there, buddy. You're a good guy.
McGuirk: No problem. Oh crap.
Man: Back for more, huh?
McGuirk: Actually, I put a $20 in, and I meant to give you a one. So I'm going to take that $20 back.
Man: Um, what?
McGuirk: I said I made a mistake, I put a $20 bill in there, I meant to give you a one, so I'm gonna take my twenty back.
Man: Oh no, that twenty was there. It's been there all day, guy.
McGuirk: It's my twenty.
Man: The money that goes in the case is mine. You want your $1 back?
McGuirk: No I didn't give you a $1, I gave you a $20.
Man: Yeah, no, that twenty was there, dude.
McGuirk: Hey look dude. I want my twenty!
Man: Look dude! Look dude!
McGuirk: No you dude!
Man: No you dude! Listen to me dude!
McGuirk: No, dude, I'm taking-that's my twenty!
Man: Uh oh! Hey everybody!

Man: Fatso is taking my money back
Fatso is taking my money back
Oh the fatso is taking my money
Man: Yeah come on
Fatso, everybody!
McGuirk: Don't sing it! Don't listen to this, walk away! (Fatso) Everyone I gave the guy a twenty, (fatso) I meant to give him a one! (fatso) And stop calling me fatso! (fatso) It's rude! (fatso) And I'm not fat! (fatso) Stop singing! Everybody, listen to me
Man: I'm gonna break it down for ya
You gotta lose some weight
McGuirk: This is why music is evil!
Man: Uh uh, take it back now
McGuirk: Here's 5, I'm leaving!

Man: Thanks for the-oh, much appreciated. God bless ya. Uh oh, here comes that
Fat guy taking that money back
McGuirk: I'm not fat!

Brendon: 60 cents? That's all you got!
McGuirk: Hey Brendon, I'm playing my heart out out there. It's tough in the streets.
Brendon: Get back out there and make more money, he's about to crack.
Video Store Guy: No I'm not, take your film, man!
Brendon: Just watch it again, one more time, watch it again.
McGuirk: Watch it again
One more time
Watch it again
Or I'll break your back
Watch it again
Or I'll punch your ****ing face
You're gonna accept the kid's movie
Or I'll ki-ll you
Solo

And the chorus, everybody
Watch it again
One more time
And everything will be fine
Watch it again
It'll be alright
If you watch it again
My pants are too tight

Timmy was a boy and
Timmy was his name
His parents were never around to watch him play
And he lived a life of perpetual boredom
Timmy!
Timmy-Timmy-Timmy-Timmy!
Timmy!

Sitting on the ground on a rainy day
Swallowed(?) with boredom
Timmy's brain stepped away
And he lost his vision, peripherally
And developed a lisp
And stopped smelling things
His senses were dimmed
His senses were gone...kind of

How can we save, this little boy?
How can we save, this little boy?
Timmy...

Timmy...
Everyone knows of you
You're a big celebrity
Everybody look for
Doctor Stu help Timmy
No one knew what to do
He tried Doctor Robot!

I am a robotic doctor my friend
And I'd like a taste of your fame
If I make you a robot like me which you practically are
Then they'll put my picture on the very front page
Timmy ran away
Timmy ran away
Timmy ran away
Timmy ran away
Run away Timmy until you can't run anymore!

Forever...we have the freedom...oh Timmy
Over boredom...the children...have the power...forever...oh
Timmy Forever...we have the freedom...oh Timmy
Over boredom...the children...have the (fades out)

Note that these songs are instrumentals:
· Season One Opening*
· Season One Act 2 Theme
· Season Two Opening Theme
· Jason's Theme
· Sunset Theme
· Jazz Fight (more or less)
· President's King Theme
· Hot Dog Music
· Victory
· Duanetastic
· Duane Outro
· Landstander Theme
· El Escapo
· Duane's Practice
· Jimmy's Big Solo
· Duane's Big Solo
· Coffins & Cradles Theme
· Heart Smashers Theme
· I'm A Kid Again
· Dog Training Montage
· Brendon Steals the Test
· Brendon Cheats
· Bagpipes
· Ping Pong & Too Koo
· Brendon's Camera
· Season Two Closing Theme