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“Director’s Cut” Episode 106

:Soccer Field: McGuirk has his leg out and is coloring on it.

Brendon: Coach McGuirk, what are you doing?
McGuirk: Well, Brendon I’m tracing my varicose veins…what does it look like I’m doing?
Brendon: Oh, right.
McGuirk: Look at the shape this one makes. I call this one the Tigris and the Euphrates. That’s the Fertile Crescent right there in-between…
Brendon: Oh…no…
McGuirk: That’s for the ladies, Brendon.
Brendon: That’s gross.
McGuirk: (Sigh) My God I’m hideous…Man shouldn’t have legs like this!
Brendon: It’s just a bad color to trace them with.
McGuirk: I shouldn’t use a highlighter, is what you’re saying.
Brendon: Well, why aren’t you coaching?
McGuirk: I’m letting Drew run the practice. It’s what assistant coaches are for, running the practice…
Brendon: Yeah I guess-
McGuirk: Assistant coaches are also for doing my laundry…
Brendon: You know the team really seems to like him-
McGuirk: Getting me food…
Brendon: Right-
McGuirk: Buying me lottery tickets…
Brendon: Yeah, they know his name, too.
Soccer Team: Drew! Drew! Drew! Yeah, Drew!
McGuirk: Hey Brendon, how come the team never carried me off the field?
Brendon: We tried, but you were too big.
McGuirk: Excuse me?
Brendon: I mean, uh, too drunk?
McGuirk: Yes. Yes I was. But I’ll tell you something Brendon I am every day. That doesn’t mean don’t carry me off the field.

:Home Movies Logo:

:Soccer Field: Brendon is talking to a random kid, Melissa comes in holding some papers.

Brendon: Okay. It’s called, “Louie Louie”…it’s based on a fictional meeting of Louis Braille and Louis Pasteur. See what I’m going for is the absurdity, of two famous men from France, are both named Louis!
Melissa: Hi Brendon!
Brendon: Oh, hi.
Kid: Hi!
Melissa: Guess what I’m holding.
Brendon: Um…
Melissa: It’s a script written by Dwayne! He wanted me to show it to you.
Brendon: Dwayne? Dwayne can’t write!
Melissa: But you haven’t even read it!
Brendon: Listen, Melissa…
Melissa: Yeah…
Brendon: Just go back, and tell Dwayne that I can’t look at someone else’s script-
Melissa: Just look at it!
Brendon: No, he has to sign a waiver, or a release form-
Melissa: I think you’re going a little overboard-
Brendon: No. See, I cannot do other people’s films, because I have to have full creative control.
Melissa: I’m not saying you have to do it!
Brendon: Oh, Melissa, is this your first day on the job? What’s going on here?
Melissa: I just figured that he works really hard on all our films, he never complains, and all he’s asking you to do is read this script-
Brendon: Shh! Shh!
Melissa: Don’t “Shh!” me! I think it’s nice that he wants your opinion.
Brendon: Okay, let me see this. What is this- Oh, a rock opera, based on Franz Kafka? Um, I don’t think so.

:Immediate cut to Brendon’s basement: Dwayne and his band are singing the first Kafka song.

· Kafka Song #1: Introduction
He is Franz Kafka!
Franz Kafka!
Be careful if you get him pissed…
Franz! Franz Kafka!
He’ll smite you with metaphor fists
Right now he can, he’s just a man
A warrior of words taking a stand
He is Franz Kafka!
Spoken: Oh look, but there he is, what will he say?
I’m a lonely German…a lonely German from Prague!
Kafka! Kafka! Kafka!

(Brendon walks over to talk to Dwayne)
Brendon: Okay, cut, cut, cut, oh…First of all, guys, tremendous, that was incredible. You know, that was great, I don’t know how you can do that, it’s fantastic what you do is great…Um, I’m not sure that Kafka’s “Metamorphosis” is the best idea for a rock opera. (Pause) But it could be, too, Dwayne…So if it’s okay with you, I’d like to take a pass on this script.
Melissa: You’re gonna rewrite his script?
Brendon: No. No, Melissa. I’m not talking about rewriting it, just a pass. So Dwayne, my man, what do you say?
(Dwayne and his band start to play the Kafka theme)
Brendon: (Yelling over music) Is that a yes? That’s a- I don’t know what you’re telling me right now! That means yes or no? I can’t tell, Dwayne!

:Soccer Field: Drew is coaching the game.

Drew: Way to go out there, Jeremy! Nice hustle! Very nice!
(Jeremy is hit in the head with a soccer ball)
Drew: Yea! Outstanding!
McGuirk: Why don’t you sing a song, Drew?
Drew: Okay, okay…come in everybody! Huddle up! Huddle up, here. Hey you guys are doing terrific out there, all right? Give yourselves a big cheer!
SOCCER TEAM: Yea, team!
Drew: Good work! Good work, now remember-
McGuirk: (Walking through crowd of kids) Excuse me…excuse me…what does that mean? That means get out of my way. Alright, uh…what’s going on? What’s up? What are we talking about? Drew?
Drew: Yea…we’re talking about being an aggressive team, right? Use our skills keep our heads in the game!
McGuirk: Okay, Drew, enough. Slow down. Alright everybody huddle-huddle up- we are huddled up, we are huddled up…good… (McGuirk farts) Whoa…whew…that was me. I am sorry. I’ll tell you something, I’m on a diet, and it’s all protein. Holy man.

: Shot of kids playing soccer, then back to Drew & McGuirk:

Drew: I don’t wanna step on your toes.
McGuirk: Yeah, I know, that’s fine. You’re doing a great job. And the kids seem to like you. You’re very likable-
Drew: Um…
McGuirk: Which is very awkward…you come out of college, you come here, you got a lot of great ideas…I used to be like you. Except less likable. And I didn’t go to college.
Drew: Sure-
McGuirk: And I’m not so good-looking. Beautiful sinewy body.
Drew: Thanks.
McGuirk: Mr. Perfect. That doesn’t mean it gives you Carte Blanche to change the roster!
Drew: Sure. I see.
McGuirk: And I’m sick of you calling huddle up, that’s my call.
Drew: Right.
McGuirk: And stop pumping up the kids so much…it’s bothering me. Brendon! Move up the field! Don’t stand there like an idiot come on!
Brendon: Okay!
Drew: He’s the goalie…he’s playing goalie…
McGuirk: Oh. Brendon! Get out of the goal! Tim, get in goal! I don’t know what’s going on, Drew. Time out! Time out!
Drew: Coach, there’s no time outs in soccer…
McGuirk: No time outs?
Drew: No time outs.
McGuirk: In soccer?
Drew: No, no, It’s-
McGuirk: I know the game of soccer, Drew.
Drew: No, I know!
McGuirk: Alright? (To soccer team) Forget the time out! Huddle up!

:Overhead soccer shot: McGuirk is talking to Brendon.

McGuirk: You know, Brendon? Winning this game might be the worst thing that could happen to this team.
Brendon: But I thought we were supposed to win-
McGuirk: No. Anybody can win. See, when you win, you get cocky, then you get lazy, then you get flabby, and the next thing you know you’re losers again. That’s a good place to be!
Brendon: Right. But, we lose all the time.
McGuirk: But it’ll be worse if you win cause then you would’ve had a taste of victory. See what I mean?
Brendon: I guess so…
McGuirk: And once you’ve tasted it, it tastes you!
Brendon: Ok…
McGuirk: See what I mean?
Brendon: Um, no, but that’s cool-
McGuirk: Alright, losing keeps you sharp, Brendon, keeps you hungry keeps you thirsty.
Brendon: Right…
McGuirk: Hey you want a donut and a large coffee?
Brendon: No thanks.
McGuirk: Well I do.
Brendon: Heh…guess that’s me again, huh?
McGuirk: Bingo.
Brendon: Shucks. French vanilla?
McGuirk: No, none of that crap.
Brendon: You used to get French vanil-
McGuirk: I know, that was a bad phase. I was embarrassed by it.
Brendon: Want hazelnut?
McGuirk: No, I want none of those flavored coffees. Just get me a regular coffee, half and half, 3 sugars.
Brendon: All right, man… (begins to walk away)
McGuirk: Ok hazelnut.
Brendon: Ok! I knew it!

:Shot goes to Brendon, Jason and Melissa in Brendon’s sandbox:

Melissa: I think the music is great.
Brendon: I’m not saying the music isn’t great…
Jason: Brendon?
Brendon: Yes?
Jason: I like it.
Brendon: I’m not saying I don’t like it, you know, guys…
Melissa: Brendon? I think this could be one of the best films we’ve ever done.
Brendon: I’m not saying it’s-Whoa, whoa wait a minute, ok, guys, look, its like, too easy.
Melissa: What’s too easy?
Brendon: If we keep doing easy things like this, then we won’t be hungry, we won’t be thirsty, you know?
Jason: Um, could I have some juice?
Melissa: Brendon, what are you talking about?
Brendon: I mean, hungry to do good work, guys. I mean, you know-
Melissa: Brendon you’re being ridiculous.
Jason: Brendon? Brendon?
Brendon: WHAT?!!
Jason: My mother said that hot dogs are made from horses…
Brendon: Yeah, ok, well…
Jason: The meat from horses.
Brendon: It’s the screenplays that drive you crazy, the ones that make you miserable, those are the ones that turn out great!
Jason: Brendon?
Brendon: Yes, they are made from horses-
Jason: No, no…you’re not making much sense.
Melissa: Brendon, you’re talking crazy.
Brendon: No, the production, is like-
Jason: I want a hot dog.
Brendon: Melissa, would you get Jason a hot dog?
Melissa: We just ate!
Jason: Melissa!
Melissa: What?
Brendon: That’s what I’m saying, its like hot dogs, its like horses…everything is smashing together like a crappy hot dog-I, can’t think of what!
Melissa: Brendon, you’re getting all worked up!
Brendon: No I’m not!
Jason: Brendon? Melissa?
Both: What?
Jason: Lunch break.
Brendon: Hey, I call the lunch breaks around here!
Jason: Well, call a lunch break.
Brendon: Lunch break!

: Shot in the basement with Dwayne and his band. Everyone is in costume except for director Brendon :

Jason: Melissa?
Melissa: Yea?
Jason: How come Dwayne gets to be the bug?
Melissa: Because there’s only one bug, and he’s kind of the star cause he wrote it.
Jason: Right…
Melissa: Is that your dad’s coat?
Jason: No, its Brendon’s.
Melissa: It’s so big on you…
Jason: It’s Brendon’s dad’s, and it smells. (Landstander note: This could be considered an inconsistency, but I never listed it)
Brendon: Alright guys, good, in your places…um, action.
Melissa: Did you read the script?
Jason: I read the book.
Brendon: Hello? Hello?
Melissa: You did?
Jason: Yea.
Brendon: We’re rolling…we’re just using up tape now.
Jason: (inaudible) two bugs. I’d want to be a maggot.
Melissa: A maggot? That’s gross…
Brendon: Action. ACTION!!!!
Melissa: My God…
Brendon: For a minute there I thought you couldn’t hear me.
Jason: Brendon?
Brendon: Yea?
Jason: Can I be a bug?

· Kafka Song #2: Turning into a bug
I don’t know what’s wrong with me I think I’m turning into a bug
I see double what I see I think I’m turning into a bug
I ain’t got no self-esteem I think I’m turning into a bug
Bet you fifty dollars I’m a man, I’m a scholar and I’m turning into a bug
Momma like a daddy like a baby like a baby like I’ll turn into a bug
Yeah! Yeah!
He is Franz Kafka!

Brendon: Cut! Hey, Dwayne, could I see you outside in the sandbox, for a minute? Just a second…thanks.

: Cut to Dwayne and Brendon in the sandbox :

Brendon: Ok, Dwayne, we tried it your way, and it ain’t working, you know…

: Back to basement with Jason and Melissa talking :

Melissa: I mean the project has just got so much energy, and humor.
Jason: I like the music.
Melissa: Yea, the music’s great too. Dwayne’s really great.
Jason: Yea, but sometimes its too loud, and then my ears bleed.
Melissa: That’s because you stand too close to the speakers.
Jason: Yea, cause I can’t hear it. My ears have too much blood in them.
Melissa: Gross!

: Back to Dwayne and Brendon in the sandbox :

Brendon: How about I pick up the range from here and you let me call the shots, cause that’s what I do best, Dwayne, you know. So what do you say?
(Dwayne remains silent)
Brendon: You know I have a hard time reading your expressions.

: Back to Jason and Melissa :

Jason: One time I put a toothpick in my ear.
Melissa: You mean a Q-Tip?
Jason: No, a toothpick.
Melissa: How far in did it go?
Jason: It broke off.
Melissa: Did you have to go to the hospital?
Jason: No…I didn’t tell anybody until now.
Melissa: I think this is one of the best projects we’ve ever worked on.
Brendon: Hey, guys? Guys, can I have everybody’s attention, please? Um…project over!
Melissa: What?
Brendon: Everybody go home!
Melissa: Brendon, what are you talking about?
Brendon: This project is over.
Melissa: But it was going so well.
Brendon: Hey, talk to Dwayne, its over. But I want the regulars to be here tomorrow cause we are going to start on a new project! Okay?
Jason: Am I a regular?
Brendon: Yes.
Jason: My pants say irregular.

: Fade out, end of Act I :

: Fade in to school, then to playground :

Brendon: And that’s why we’re a team-
Melissa: Just because you have the camera?
Brendon: No, the fact that it’s camera has nothing to do with which projects we work on, but we’re working on mine cause it’s the kind of project we’ve always wanted to do.
Jason: I want to work on Dwayne’s.
Brendon: Dwayne is dead.
Jason: Ok, then yours.
Melissa: What’s your project anyway?
Jason: Should we send flowers to Dwayne’s family?
Brendon: The project is “Louie Louie”.
Melissa: Oh, not “Louie Louie”.
Jason: Didn’t we veto that one, Brendon?
Brendon: No, we put it hold.
Jason: Can we veto it now?
Brendon: Absolutely not.
Jason: Okay, can we put it back on hold and then veto it?
Melissa: Brendon, nobody was really crazy about “Louie Louie” in the first place.
Brendon: What are you saying?
Melissa: 2 against 1.
Brendon: It’s my camera.
Melissa: Let’s do Kafka!
Jason: Poor dead Dwayne…

: Cut to basement and crude “Louie Louie” set. Brendon and Jason are in costume as Louis Pasteur and Louie Braille, respectively. :

Brendon: Are you Louie Braille?
Jason: Yes.
Brendon: Say ‘wee’!
Jason: Oh…wee!
Brendon: Mister Braille, how are you today?
Jason: Blind!
Brendon: Oh! It’s a cruel world…
Jason: I invented a new way for blind people to read!
Brendon: Magnific! What do you call it?
Jason: Braille! Get it?
Brendon: Weeeee!!!! I am calling my discovery Pasteurization! Get it?
Jason: No.
Brendon: My name, is Louis Pasteur-
Jason: Now I get it! We are great men.
Brendon: The world owes us a lot, but we ask for very little in return.
Jason: I asked only for a house on the Riviera with a view.
Brendon: A view??! But you are blind!
Jason: Well everyone in my family is not blind. What do you think, we are just a bunch of blind people?
Brendon: No. I’m sorry. I’ve been under a lot of stress Louie.
Jason: You mean lately…
Brendon: I thought your name was Louie.
Jason: You’re right, I’m sorry.
Brendon: We are two great men from France both named Louie!
Jason: It was great meeting you, Louie.
Brendon: And great meeting you, Louie. I must get back to my lab-
Jason: I don’t have a lab!
Brendon: You can use mine.
Jason: It’s a cruel world…you said I could use it?
Brendon: Yes.
Jason: It’s not such a cruel world after all!

: Fade back to house, then back to basement, still in costume :
Brendon: Okay, I’ve decided not to use traditional, boring music for the movie-
Melissa: You mean, instruments?
Brendon: Yeah yeah, that’s very trite…instead, we’ll do it with our mouths! Like, “Dum de de dum dum dum de de dum”, try that?
Brendon and Melissa: Dum de de dum dum dum de de dum.
Brendon: Perfect, that’s great. Let’s have fun with it-
Melissa: You’re sure it sounds ok?
Brendon: Yea it sounds great!
Melissa: Okay, I’m not sure its qualified with me, though.
Brendon: Listen, I think I know what I’m doing, okay? Action.
(Melissa hums in the background during this following scene)
Jason: I have decided to uninvent my idea of using Braille to help blind people read.
Brendon: Ah, but it is too late! You’ve already thought of it.
Jason: Thought of what?
Brendon: Braille!
Jason: I don’t know what you’re talking about, wink wink.
Brendon: Ok, I get it. (Out of his Pasteur character) Okay, Melissa right here real big lots of drama here.
Melissa: Brendon, I can’t do this, its stupid.
Brendon: Um….you’re stupid!
Melissa: You’re stupid!
Brendon: You’re stupid!
Melissa: You’re stupid!
Brendon: You’re stupid!
Jason: (Screaming) Stop it! Stop it mommy!
Brendon: Whoa…
Jason: Brendon!
Brendon: Yea.
Jason: Don’t Brendon! Don’t open your mouth!
Melissa: Why don’t you go get the-
Jason: (Not understandable)
Brendon: (Nervously) I can’t understand you…
Jason: (Back to normal) I said, (I still don’t know what he says here). I have to be alone for a minute.

: Cut to Jason watching Dwayne’s movie in the Small’s living room and crying :

Jason: Oh, oh God…
· Kafka Song #3: Living like a bug ain’t easy (with Jason inserts)
Living like a bug ain’t easy
Jason: Oh, oh Dwayne…
My old clothes don’t seem to fit me
I got little tiny bug feet
I don’t really know what bugs eat
Jason: Died so young…
Don’t want no one stepping on me
Now I’m sympathizing with fleas
Jason: You’re like James Dean…
Living like a bug ain’t easy…

: Fade to Jason, Melissa and Brendon at the playground :

Melissa: Brendon?
Brendon: Yea.
Melissa: We need to talk to you.
Brendon: Ok.
Jason: Brendon, Dwayne’s not dead.
Melissa: We want to do Dwayne’s movie.
Jason: And, um, he’s not dead.
Brendon: I know you think you want to do “Kafka”, but-
Jason: Brendon, please don’t tell me what I think, because…
Brendon: It insults your intelligence?
Jason: I don’t know…
Brendon: Well, I think you’re both entitled to that…I’m sorry it had to end this way, but you’re two very talented people, and I’d be glad to write letters of recommendation…lets do lunch sometime…

: Cut to Brendon and McGuirk on the soccer field :

McGuirk: Brendon, you hold the bag now.
Brendon: But I wanted to throw the balls-
McGuirk: Brendon take the bag.
Brendon: But I’d like to throw the balls-
McGuirk: My arms are tired! Besides, I’m the head coach.
Brendon: Oh right, yea, I forgot.
McGuirk: What does that mean, you forgot?
Brendon: I forgot who was in charge here.
McGuirk: What are you trying to say, you forgot I was head coach?
Brendon: Um, no…
McGuirk: Brendon, how many games have we won since Drew showed up here?
Brendon: All of them.
McGuirk: How many have we lost?
Brendon: None, of them.
McGuirk: Drew is a hell of a coach, huh?
Brendon: I know.
McGuirk: He makes me look bad…
Brendon: It does, sort of highlight a few weaknesses-
McGuirk: Shut up, Brendon!
Brendon: Ok.
McGuirk: Let me think here, Drew is a nice guy, right?
Brendon: Very nice.
McGuirk: He means well, he knows soccer, kids seem to like him…
Brendon: Kids love him.
McGuirk: He could have my job, couldn’t he?
Brendon: In a heartbeat. But why would a guy want a dead end job like that?
McGuirk: I can’t take that chance, Brendon. That’s why it has to look like an accident.
Brendon: What does?
McGuirk: The accident.
Brendon: Oh, right…well that’s it! Dwayne, The strings on Dwayne’s guitar, would suddenly just, strangle him, it would be perfect!
McGuirk: Or I could just frame him…
Brendon: We could exchange murders. Criss-cross.
McGuirk: What are you talking about, Criss-cross?
Brendon: I’m talking about Christopher Cross.
McGuirk: I love that song.
Brendon: Arthur…
Both: Sailing!
McGuirk: Did he do Arthur, also?

: Cut to a tape of Brendon working on “Louie Louie” alone in his basement :

Brendon: Du deedley do do doooo! :Cut to Louie Braille costume: I am Louie Braille! :Cut to Louis Pasteur costume: And I am Louis Pasteur!
:Back to Brendon holding camera in his basement:
Brendon: Okay, cut cut. That’s a wrap. Melissa, what did you think? (Brendon pops up looking like Melissa) I thought it was so good! What you did over there, I didn’t think you were going to do that…(Brendon morphs into Jason) Um, Brendon? (Back to Brendon) Yea, Jason?
Paula: Brendon…
Brendon: Mom! Hey! Hey mom this a closed set.
Paula: Where’s Jason and Melissa?
Brendon: They’re uh, away, they’re busy people, have their own, uh-
Paula: Brendon.
Brendon: We broke up. I fired slash resigned.
Paula: You broke up with your best friends.
Brendon: It was, creative differences, they didn’t want to do what I wanted to do-
Paula: They’re your best friends!
Brendon: Well, they’re not that great people, mom? They’ve got their flaws.
Paula: You’re coming unraveled, Brendon, why don’t you come upstairs? How about some cookies and milk?
Brendon: Mom, what is this, 1955? This is how we’re solving problems?
Paula: Yes.
Brendon: Well, (shakes head and goes crazy).

: Cut to Jason, Melissa, Dwayne & his band on the playground :

Jason: You’re stupid!
Melissa: You’re stupid!
Jason: You’re stupid!
Melissa: What are we arguing about?
Jason: Who is stupider.
Melissa: No, we need to get a video camera.
Jason: Why don’t we build one?
Melissa: That’s stupid…
Jason: You’re stupid!
Melissa: You’re stupid!
(Brendon pops out from behind a tree)
Brendon: Hey! Melissa, Jason, Dwayne, guys in his band whose names I haven’t taken the time to learn, but I will. I’m glad I found you guys.
Melissa: Brendon, we saw you hiding.
Brendon: I wasn’t hiding, but no matter I’ve got some good news…I’ve been juggling around my schedule, and crying, but I was able to free up some time and um, I’m back! Well, lets not get carried away here. Okay, I’ll come clean. I haven’t been a very good role model to you guys.
Melissa: Brendon, you were never a role model.
Jason: No, uh, Brendon…
Brendon: Ok, ok, I’ll be honest with you. I guess this whole Dwayne thing left me feeling a little threatened, and I guess that’s why I acted so egotistical-
Melissa: Is that why you were being so selfish?
Brendon: No, actually that was just a coincidence.
Jason: But more to the point, is that why you acted so insecure and cowardly?
Brendon: Yes on the first one and no on the second one.
Jason: Okay, wait a minute, so-
Brendon: Okay, that concludes the begging for forgiveness portion of my apology, and now hopefully we can go back to being friends and making movies.
Jason: Brendon?
Brendon: Yes?
Jason: Dwayne’s not dead.
Brendon: Yea I know he’s right there.

: Cut to Melissa, Dwayne, Jason & Brendon having a bargaining session in the basement :

Jason: My client wants points.
Melissa: What does that mean?
Jason: It means points…duh. Lots of them. No points then we walk.
Melissa: Stop saying points.
Jason: Points.
Brendon: What I want is just something in here that says I get final cut.
Jason: …and points.
Brendon: Forget the points.
Jason: No, no, the points are the whole thing.
(Dwayne whispers something to Melissa)
Melissa: Okay. Dwayne would like two cuts; one for him that he gets to approve, and then one for you, a director’s cut.
Brendon: Director’s Cut? I like.
Jason: What about points?
Melissa: Okay, you can have 17 points!
Jason: Deal. We win! 17 to nothing. Brendon?
Brendon: Yea?
Jason: We win!
Brendon: Nice work, my man.
Jason: What did I tell you about getting the points?
Brendon: It worked, it totally worked.

: Cut to the end of “Kafka”, with the bug’s entrance into heaven :

· Kafka Song #4: Ending
Spoken: Welcome to heaven Franz! My name is God! I think you’re going to like it here!
He is Franz Kafka!

: Cut to the end of “Louie Louie”, the Louie Louie rap :

· Louis, Louis End Rap
Well, I’m, curing disease
Helping blind people read
Don’t drink that milk without talking to me (Oh yeah!)
I’m saving those who can’t see with their eyes
Don’t mess with me you’ll get pasteurized!
Yeah! Come on! Come on! Louis Louis in the house! Break it down!
(Jason does a human beatbox)

Dwayne: Uh, this is for your cut, right?
Brendon: Yea sure, but let me tell why I think it works well for yours, too.

: Cut to McGuirk, in camouflage, spray painting things like “Drew Rules” and “I hate kids” at the school :

McGuirk: Why would a guy write all over the wall like this? He’d have to be crazy. Heh. Guy like that shouldn’t be coaching kids, oh no. No no no. (McGuirk picks up his cell phone and calls 911) Yea, police, there is a guy, spray painting, vulgar things on the west wall of the elementary school. And it’s not me, its this guy, and this is not good for the kids. You should see what he’s spray painting. Oh, Drew is involved in the occult. (The police pull up) Holy [Blocked out by police siren], I just called you! Oh dear…that’s quick response…oh no it’s not me! I found the can the guy was using, so I just, this is…(McGuirk runs away)

End Credits go to “Kafka End Song”:

· Kafka End Song
Right now he can
He’s just a man
A warrior of words
Taking a stand
He grew up very poor
He’s steel its to the core
Born in 1883 died in 1924
He is Franz Kafka!

FIN

Thanks to Moltrez for correcting a mistake.